When people not from the Isle of Man hear someone say they’re from the Isle of Man, it’s usually met with a confused look. Spinning wheels take over their pupils as their brain tries to compute where this place is as the song ‘Destination Unknown’ by Alex Gaudino starts reverberating around their head. For some locals it’s annoying. How DARE they not know about the Isle of Man? WE HAVE THE LARGEST WORKING WATER WHEEL IN THE WORLD FOR GOD’S SAKE. But I use it as an opportunity to stand out and enchant new people with the mystical myths of the Manx land. Plus, I throw the odd blatant lie in there for good measure.

So, if you’re a Manxie who’s moved abroad, consider this a reminder of some of the mystical stories you can share that makes the Isle of Man, and by default you, magically unique. Or if you’re a new resident to the island looking to fit in, consider this your Start Up Pack in Manx Myths so you can become one of us.

Ah, the legend of the Fairy Bridge. Don’t be duped by the name. These aren’t the sort of wish-granting fairies you see in Disney films. Although, they are very high maintenance and get annoyed if you don’t say hello to them so, in that regard, I guess they are a bit like Tinkerbell.

The Fairy Bridge lies quietly in Santon. Blink and you’d miss it. The telltale sign you’re on it are the colourful letters children have written and stuck to the trees on the side of the road. You can barely tell it’s a bridge, it’s so small, which makes sense as it is home to the Mooinjer Veggey, the Little People. ‘Fairies’ who ‘dwell in a world of their own, being neither good enough for Heaven nor bad enough for Hell’ according to Manx Fairy Tales writer Sophia Morrison.

Lots of people drive over it on their way to or from the airport and every time you do you have to say ‘hello fairies’. Sure, you might feel a little silly doing it but if you don’t, the fairies don’t like that, and there could be unpleasant consequences, where bad luck follows you home... Sure, it could just be superstition but why take the risk, right?...

You’ll burn if you say it. I’m just kidding. Or am I? There’s a Manx tradition that if you say the r-a-t word, bad luck will be cast upon you. ‘That sounds very similar to the Fairy Bridge tradition’ I hear you say. You’re right, it is. It seems we have a thing about bad luck on the Isle of Man. The threat of it keeps us in line.

This myth comes from fishermen, who had a special set of traditions. One of which, was that the names of furred animals should not be said at sea. Instead, they called them long-tails. The superstition crept onto land in recent history. So, if you see a r-a-t, remember not to call it by its name. Say long-tail instead. If you forget, you’re doomed to bad luck. The only way to shake it is to touch some wood. That makes everything fine again. I carry a plank around in my back pocket as preparation.

This one is based on the legend of Manannan, also known as Mac Lir, a sea God who put the man in Isle of Man. (Women didn’t exist back then). The myth goes that Manannan’s cloak is a magical veil of mist that enshrouds the island, protecting it from enemy invaders, (tourists). Nowadays, it’s just a hinderance and causes lots of delays to the ferries. Manannan hasn’t caught up that we need visitors for our slowly dying economy.

These tailless tabbies originate from the island. I don’t know why. Maybe some kid back in the day had a real enthusiasm for scissors. The Cat with No Tail is also a pub. Try not to mistake one for the other. Those felines will charge you way more for a drink than the pub and scratch your eyes out in the process.

So, there’s a handful of Manx myths for you but you’re also going to want to brush up on local lingo if you’re wanting to not stand out like a non-Manx sore thumb. Here are some phrases for you to add to your vocab.

‘Alright yessir’ Translation: ‘Hello pal’

‘What ya sayin’ baa’ Translation: ‘Hello pal’

‘Alright Fella’ Translation: ‘Hello pal’

‘What’s the skeet?’ Translation: ‘What’s the gossip?’

‘Sound fella’ Translation: ‘Sounds good, mate.’

‘Comeover’ Translation: Someone who was not born on the Isle of Man.

‘Stayover’ Translation: Someone who was not born on the Isle of Man but has stayed long enough to become a resident after being incapable of leaving due to bad weather.

‘There’s a boat in the morning’ Translation: If you don’t like how things are done here, you can sod off. It’s a good way to make sure no Manx people are ever challenged on their beliefs or how things are done here, both preserving our history and keeping us in it.

Accent wise, pinch your nose to get the full-bodied Manx sound and you really want to elongate words like ‘sayin’ and ‘baa’. So, it’d be ‘what ya saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayin’ baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa’. Hold for between two to 24 minutes for full effect.

Thus concludes your Isle of Man Start Up Pack / Isle of Man Reminder Pack. When I went to university, I found that all the things I found boring or irritating about the place I called home (there’s no ASDA) was fascinating to my UK peers so milk it for all it’s worth. The ones that had heard of the Isle of Man had some interesting preconceptions of the place, which they asked me about:

‘Is it true there aren’t any women there?’

‘Is it true that only rich people live there, and they print their own money?’

‘Is it true that the royal family can legally still behead someone on the Isle of Man for breaking the law?’

I answered ‘yes’ to all. Just to keep up the mystery.

Welcome to the Isle of Man.