A woman who suffered domestic abuse for 10 years says anyone who is experiencing abuse during lockdown should get out safely, writes Helen McKenna.

Lockdown number three has no doubt put pressures on all of us across the island, as we grapple with the restrictions we had dealt with in January only three weeks previously and get used to spending most of our time at home.

For some people, their home becomes a prison as they are enduring domestic abuse and don’t know a way out.

Data shared by the police highlighted the sharp rise in domestic abuse cases on the Isle of Man during the first lockdown.

Between March 1, 2020, to July 31, 2020, 87 women and 28 men were described as victims after police investigated 279 domestic violence incidents.

From January 6, 2021, to January 26, 2021, police reported that six women and five men were victims of domestic abuse after they were called out to 33 incidents.

And from March 2, 2021, until March 24, 2021, there were 32 incidents which wereclassed as domestic violence with six women and six men desrcibed as victims.

One woman who suffered from domestic abuse for more than 10 years has opened up to help other victims speak out.

Sally - not her real name - told the Examiner: ’I was married to my partner for 10 years and after six months into the relationship he became abusive until the end of our marriage. He broke my collarbone and threatened to throw me over a cliff.

’I went to the police on quite a few occasions. About two years into our relationship, I went to report him to the police but there wasn’t any support back then really.

’He managed to get his mobile phone, unattended, into his cell when he was in police custody and threatened me and said that if he could get through to me via a police cell, that he could get to me any way.

’I was quite young, aged 20, and I dropped the charges because he threatened me.’

Sally said that the cliff incident was the turning point, when she knew she had to get out.

’Finally, when he broke my collarbone, he would be extra nice but wouldn’t let me out of his sight for about four days, so I didn’t get hospital treatment until then,’ she said.

’My boss sent me to A&E and I was too scared to say what had happened.’

She added: ’I did try to calm him down when he was threatening to throw me over the cliff because I was scared he was actually going to do it.’

She said that she would often tell people made up stories about how she’d sustained her injuries.

’I told so many different stories to people because I couldn’t say how I’d really been hurt.

’My friend ended up taking me into the police station and I got a lot of support and, thankfully, got away from him.’

Sally said that she didn’t speak to charities which offer confidential support for victims of abuse during the first experiences, but that she did eventually come to learn about their services.

She said: ’In the first instances I didn’t know about any of the charities, but the police put me in touch with them.

’They also put me in touch with a lawyer, who was brilliant and had a lot of experience dealing with domestic violence, which I don’t think a lot of women [usually] get over here.

’I got a panic alarm installed in the house, too.’

Sally said she is still coping with the psychological trauma of the abuse.

’I didn’t cope that well after it all happened. I still have post traumatic stress disorder. I cope better with it now but initially I had really bad nightmares. The first social workers who came to visit after it all said they were looking into if I was a suitable parent, as I’d "failed to protect my child", but I luckily had my friend with me who was able to support me.’

She said those who listened to her experience of domestic abuse were shocked that she was going through it, when on the outside it appeared as if she was happy.

’People involved in the investigation were quite shocked with me, as they thought I had a good job, good house, good family.

’Victim Support helped me the most, as they gave me counselling sessions, they went to all of the trials where my ex-partner appeared in court, so that I wouldn’t have to.

’My lawyer told me building up to the trial that 80% of women don’t want to face their male abuser in court, which gave me the strength to not back down.

’It turned out that there were four women that he’d been with and they had all reported him for similar situations and threatening their families.

’He’d got away for it for 17 years.

’I was dreading seeing him, and he changed his story from not guilty and pleaded guilty in the end.’

Sally said that her ex husband seemed perfect when they first met.

’I was only 19 when I met him. He was too good to be true - overly charming, overly nice.

’He had no family over here and we moved in quite quickly together, and I fell pregnant about four months into the relationship,’ she said.

’As soon as he found that out, after about six months, he hit me.

’I didn’t realise at the time how quickly he distanced me away from my friends.

’I didn’t go out to nightclubs or any sort of social gatherings for about eight years.’

In light of the news in recent weeks about women’s safety, after the murder of Sarah Everard in London, Sally said domestic violence is a problem not to be associated with one gender.

’I think that it’s a human problem, rather than a gender problem.

’It affects men just as much as women. I think children should be taught about personal boundaries as part of sex education, such as what’s classed as "red flags" - manipulating and controlling behaviour signs,’ she said.

’My money and my social life were being controlled and I had to ask for the next 11 years for money to buy sanitary products. I still find it hard to socialise now.’

Even though it’s been years since she left the marriage, Sally is still healing.

’My collarbone healed within six months, but my mind, the emotional abuse from all of that, it’s still healing.

’I’m overly heightened in my senses thinking people will do me wrong, but I am proud of myself for leaving [the relationship]. The abuser is very good at telling you why it’s your fault. And you believe them.

’When you’re in that situation, it’s your life, you get used to being on eggshells and watching everything you’re saying.’

She said anyone who is currently experiencing domestic violence should seek help.

’To anyone suffering from domestic abuse, get out safely,’ she said.

’A lot of people think that it’s easy to leave, but they don’t comprehend how difficult it is.

’We’ve got Women’s Aid, Victim Support and the police to contact if you’re in danger. Call your friends, but only if it is safe for you to do so. Make sure you have an exit plan.’