I can hardly believe it’s July already as, apart from one or two days, if feels like we’ve barely escaped winter.

Quite a few of my friends are still having to put their heating on.

But Tynwald Day has been and gone and the schools will soon break up.

The adjacent island is coming to terms with their General Election and changes will be happening on this page, too.

Yes, the identity of the next Manx Bard will be announced at the end of August, so you only have one more column to come from me.

‘Thank goodness’, I hear some of you say!

However, this will only happen if someone else is deemed worthy of the title of Manx Bard.

So, to all you poets out there – and especially the highly entertaining keyboard warriors who comment on anything and everything, here’s your chance to really show your writing skills. Just go to ‘The Manx Bard’ Facebook page and enter this year’s competition.

In the meantime, here’s a spot of light relief for you all away from the doom and gloom of world events. I could say whether this is a true story or not – but that would be telling!

An Educational Tea Party

My neighbour asked me round to tea, Saturday.

I’m fond of hors d’oeuvres and a spot of Earl Grey-

Cucumber sandwiches, crusts neatly trimmed,

Pastries and fancies, china cups, gilded rims.

I don’t know the Parkers – they’ve not lived here long,

but how nice of the hubby to ask me along.

A tea party’s a great way to get to know folk,

Find out what you like and share one or two jokes.

It would be very rude if I gave it a miss,

so I went, to be met with a hug and a kiss

on the cheek from the hostess, who gestured me in

to their lounge, where I waited for Tea to begin.

What a beautiful room, but I saw not one chair:

Not a sofa or armchair or footstool was there,

Just a large coffee table by the Inglenook space,

where the guests were all leaving their keys in one place.

How clever, I thought, what a splendid idea

I’m sure not to lose mine, if I pop them down here.

Now, my keys have a lanyard that’s easy to see

as it’s in rainbow colours, very bright, obviously.

So, I plonked down my pile on that dominant table

then looked for some food – keep my blood sugars stable.

I was feeling quite peckish and ready for tea,

when this stunning young blonde came up, holding my key.

Are these yours? She asked. I replied that they were.

Would you like to come with me? I’m just over there.

Oh yes please, I replied, with anticipation

of butties, but instead came a shock revelation:

She thought that my rainbow showed her my persuasion

And it took me a while to reach full realisation.

So, the next time I’m asked out to afternoon tea

I will put in my aids so I’ll hear properly.

‘Coz I got bites and nibbles, but no cup of tea!

It was truly a wild education for me.

The closest to food was some ambitious crumpet.

Well, I thought to myself, it was like it or lump it.

The things that she showed me were really quite arty. That memorable day I went to a key party.

Boakesey - 2024